my not so easy breastfeeding journey

alhamdulillah alisha mama macam tak percaya je alisha da 7 bulan 1 minggu macam baru smalam je mama lahirkan alisha alhamdulillah syukur sampai tarikh hari ni masih ade rezeki alisha untuk breastfeed mama nak tulis kat sini supaya nnt one day mama bole ingat balik kenangan susukan alisha and alisha pun bole tahu our breastfeeding journey since alisha dilahirkan secara caesearean i could not immediately breastfed u in the OT alhamdulillah bersalin kat hospital putrajaya d nurses still buat skin to skin contact immediately after u were born nurse smpat letak alisha atas dada mama d anesth dr help me to hold u then i guess it took about almost 1 and a half hour baru mama dpt jmpa balik alisha masuk je bilik mama namapak daddy pegang alisha and that was d first time i got to breastfed u syg alisha pandai sgt hisap eventhough i noe initially nothing came out it wasnt easy as theory mama tau d theory susu x kan memancut keluar d initial phase will be just colostrum but i was worried too coz u will cry sbb lapar initial part wasnt that good coz i have flat nipple nasib baik nurse ajar tarik guna syringe then i saw my colostrum it was yellowish in colour dats my golden milk alhamdulillah alisha dpt syg tq aunty fateen bg pinjam nursing pillow dia it was very helpful smpai la ni mama guna i decided to breastfed u with footbal position of course la mendapat reaksi pelik from elderly and d others masa tu almost hourly alisha akan cry for susu sorry sgt due to my lack of knowledge..i should have identify ur cues and not waiting for ur cry daddy was very helful though malam tu mama muntah teruk side effect of morphine i guess so daddy byk tlg pegang alisha while i breastfed u sbb kdg2 mama tertdo it was all good..until d 3rd day when we got home balik rumah..maybe due to the new environment alisha start menangis mcm lapar je masa tu maybe my milk productiion maybe slow i was pushed by the elderly to give u plain water and formula milkk!!!\ of course i refused sayang mama da niat nak exclusive breastfeed alisha for at least 6 months it was very stressful due to my lack of knowledge mama x tau i should pump out d milk before it become engorged too bad my breast engorged and my nipple start to crack i guess it was due to improper attachment so malam tu mmg stress alisha keep nanges mama sakit nipple sbb crack and my breast was super engorged n hard like a rock malam tu around 12 midnight baru la terhegeh2 nak bukak pump rumble tuff dat i bought 3 months before tgh2 malam tu la baru daddy baca manual it was very stressful alisha nampak lapar lapar sgt mama try pump out tp obviously sakittt sgt muka mama stress muka daddy lg stress daddy keep on pushing me untuk belikan alisha susu formula at least to make u settle i was so emotional i refused n insist not to give u formula milk tp cmne mama nak tahan ble dengar alisha nampak kelaparan alisha x le tdo we both lg la stress daddy slow talk lg suro beli susu formula and finally mama mengalah and around 2 am daddy keluar beli susu kat 7 eleven daddy blk bwk blk susu lactogen ( mama sedey sgt sedey sgt2 nampak susu formula tu i feel useless n helpless sedey sgt masa tgk daddy bg alisha minum formula milk mama menangis dlm tidur but at d same time it makes u settled so mama pujuk hati ckp xpe la it was for ur own good esk pagi mama nekad mama nak bg alisha breastfeed lg and no more formula milk eventhough sakit nipple crack mama try gak bg alhamdulillah maksu tukang urut dtg maksu tlg urut breast mama n sikat n then start nampak susu memancut keluar nampak je susu tu mama confident balik alhamdulillah alisha dpt menyusu tp in between the elderly still insist suro bg air kosong la air zam2 la untuk legakan tekak alisha still insist and dia starts to give u water air zam2 again i become emotional tp again ble mama pk blk x pela air zam2 kan syg it wasnt harm u if bg sket2 in between it was all good i started to feel comfortable breastfeeding u but again nature of breastmilk it is easily digested and will make u hungry faster so alisha akan menysuu almost hourly and again dia ckp alisha x kenyang susu mama x de susu mama xde zat sbb mama makan ikan je n ask to top up with formula milk i swear it make me so stress nasib baik ade tokma n maksu it was difficult but mama x menyerah mama buat pekak je ble suro bagi air mama letak je dlm botol buat2 bg alisha tp alisha pun refuse mama yakin mama ade cukup susu untuk alisha and alhamdulillah u gained weight smpai jadi bam2 and akhirnya dia stop tp mama mintak maaf due to my lack of knowwledge n kemalasan melampau mama x buat pun stok masa pantang sbb masa tu mama rasa penat alisha menyusu almost hourly mama mcm x smpat nak pam mama ingat mama kan cuti menyusu 2 bulan and dat time my target was exclusively breastfeed for 6 months tu kesilapan mama mama sepatutnya niat dan pk jauh mama nak susukan alisha smpai 2 tahun insyaallah problem started ble mama da start kerja with no ebm stok and masa tu pam pun x dpt banyak mama mmg kais pagi makan pagi kais ptg makan ptg utk kumpul susu alisha mama sedey sgt masa tu alisha da start minum byk nasib baik gak rumah dgn klnk dekat so tgh dpt blk direct feed alisha alhamdulillah rezeki alisha dpt menyusu penuh for 6 months so my initial mission accomplished to at least breastfeed u for 6 months tp ade one point after 6 months u already start ur solid food i got my menses then my nightmare starts ade satu tahap mama pam2 dpt dlm 1 oz or bwh lantai botol je sedey sgt tokma da stres22 suro mama pam mama stress it wasnt easy kena bgn malam nak pam basuh part pump tu sterilize ble time keje kena curi2 keluar jap g pam time pg n ptg lg stress lg susu x mo keluar until one day tokma kata alisha mcm lapar and by then i noe maybe i need to starts u with formula to top up sedey sgt masa tu mama pg kt kedai speedmart sek 7 lama mama tgk rak susu tu smua mama tak tau which formula milk yg sebagus my breastmilk utk bg alisha menggigil mama masa tus shaky sgt last2 mama bli s-26 sbb susu tu anak sheikh muzafar n dr harlina minum tu haha blk bg tokma simpan in case kalau susu mama mmg x de lusanya susu mama mmg drop chilled ebm tu smua alisha abeskan so tokma terpaksa buatkan alisha fm tu sedey allah je yg tau mama masa tu rasa bersalah sgt nape la mama x buat stok awal2 tp again if it makes u settled mama x le selfish at least alisha x lapar tp lepas tu alisha muntah alisha muntah keluar smua susu sedey sgt masa tu mama try mcm2 usaha pam jugak utk byk kan susu ade tp still x bape cukup so tokma n tokpa try bli susu snow plak mana tau alisha nak kan tp alisha pandai sgt tokma kata ble rasa susu snow tu alisha tutup mulut rapat x nak minum hehe..pandai tau sayang mama ni memilih yg terbaik dr ladang!!! so mcm2 usaha nak bykkan susu tokma rebuskan air longan beli kat sengseh smpai nak muntah mama minum tokma belikan durian sb somehow mama rasa durian is my milk booster tokma beli pegaga lobak putih alhamdulillah im back on track susu mama kembali ada not much but enough for u mama doa sgt2 allah beri rezeki mama utk susukan alisha smpai 2 tahun it wasnt easy journey kita jauh lg tp mama nak alisha tau mama cuba yg terbaik utk bg alisha yg terbaik insyaallah salam sayang, mama